Chapter 7: Historical-Theological Consequence Theory

Researchers originally believed that Band Directorisms altered only local events.

Further study proved otherwise.

Advanced Directorisms frequently alter:

• American History• World History• Biblical History• Family History• Church Potluck Operations• Tourism• Baking

Researchers remain concerned.

Case Study 21

Director Statement

"Dogblasted! If Dolly Madison had seen that opener today, she would have never removed George Washington's portrait. She would have let the dogblasted thing burn. Jesus would have not fed the five thousand. And Aunt Louise would not have cooked her yeast rolls on Sunday... you fully understand!"

Scientific Translation

The opener needs improvement.

Historical Analysis

Researchers estimate that this statement simultaneously affected:

• The War of 1812• Presidential History• Biblical Miracles• Church Fellowship Meals• Yeast Roll Production

Researchers remain unable to establish a causal relationship between these events.

Case Study 22

Director Statement

"If the closer looks like that tomorrow, Japan would have never surrendered to General MacArthur on the USS Missouri. Jesus would have never lifted off the Mount of Transfiguration. Disney World would have never opened in Orlando. Tell me where bands would go on spring trip if that had not happened. And Dogblasted Aunt Louise's pound cake would have never risen!"

Scientific Translation

The closer needs work.

Historical Analysis

Researchers estimate that this statement altered:

• World War II• Biblical History• Central Florida Tourism• Student Travel Opportunities• Dessert Production

Researchers have no explanation for why all major historical events appear connected to marching band performance.

Institute Findings

The greater the rehearsal problem, the larger the historical consequences become.

Minor problems affect:

• Measures• Sets• Entrances

Major problems affect:

• Nations• Religions• Theme Parks• Pound Cakes

Researchers classify this progression as normal.